From Frustration to Reflection
Last night at my weekly soccer game, I didn’t show up as my best self. I was frustrated — at the ref, at the other team, at the way the game was going. My body was tense, my jaw clenched, and I could feel my irritation spilling out in ways that didn’t feel aligned with who I want to be.
During half-time, the regret set in. You know that sinking feeling — replaying moments, wishing you’d handled things differently, questioning why you got so upset over something that, in the bigger picture, doesn’t really matter.
But instead of staying stuck in that regret, I decided to use it as an opportunity to practice what I so often encourage my clients to do: pause, reflect, and begin again.
As a therapist, I talk a lot about Cognitive Behavioural Therapy (CBT) — especially the importance of identifying what’s within our control and what isn’t. In the middle of that soccer game, I was reacting as if I could control everything: the calls, the pace, even my teammates’ decisions. Of course, I couldn’t.
When I slowed down, I walked myself through the CBT framework:
Situation: The game isn’t going how I wanted.
Thoughts: “This isn’t fair.” “We should be winning.”
Emotions: Frustration, anger, shame.
Behaviours: Snapping at others, tensing up, withdrawing.
And then — the powerful part — I challenged those thoughts. What was really true? I couldn’t control the ref or the other players. But I could control how I responded, how I supported my team, and how I chose to move forward after.
This is something many of us struggle with — not just on the field, but in everyday life. When we feel out of control, our brains look for something (or someone) to blame. We get caught in the emotion and forget to zoom out. That’s when CBT can be such a grounding tool: it gives us a way to step outside the storm and see our thoughts for what they are — just thoughts, not facts.
So today, I’m giving myself permission to begin again. To see last night not as a failure, but as practice — a reminder that emotional regulation isn’t about never losing your cool; it’s about noticing when you do, taking responsibility, and making different choices next time.
If you’ve had a moment lately that you’re not proud of, I hope this reminds you that reflection is part of growth. Be gentle with yourself. We’re all works in progress, learning how to pause, breathe, and start over — one thought, one choice, one game at a time